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FIRSTLY it helps people just to know that someone listens to them and basically would like to help.
SECONDLY there is plenty more information available in these days of the Internet and self-help groups - both online and offline.
DIFFERENT approaches and helpers suit different people and there can be significant cultural differences too. What may be helpful at one time in someone's life may be counter-productive at another; One may feel ready to try something new as time progresses.
IF YOU are supporting a friend or someone you know, whether they experienced difficulties a long time ago which are affecting them now, or whether they are going through a current difficulty, try to reassure them that they are not alone in their situation, that you will help with what you can, when that is possible. In a sense you are 'containing' the situation to the best of your ability when you can, and may be able to work out strategies for other times.
YOUR FRIEND or contact will naturally have some occasions which are harder for them than others. You or someone helping might put a lot of time in, thinking the situation will improve and things settle. Your friend may rely on all that time and effort, and expect it when perhaps you can't always help out, or you feel they need to cope more with something for themselves.
AT SOME STAGE you or the person helping out will need to explain to the survivor or person in trouble that the same level of help is not always going to be viable or expedient. However, any time something changes in a situation like this where emotions are involved - and emotions do get involved because of the two-way caring - there can be anger and resentment. There's no easy answer, but the general idea is to stick around when the boat gets rocked, either by an external situation involving the survivor or one involving the supporter. That way, trust can actually get strengthened and you weather more storms if they arise.
THIS SECTION may help with the longer-term side of the situation. What may have happened to your friend or the person being helped, is they had unpleasant or traumatic experiences in the past which made them vulnerable then and now. There can be situations or people which affect them deeply because of their past experiences. There are likely to be a range of personal relationships, social or support workers, GPs etc, and one can discuss and compare some of them to see what is happening over time. Events and people become useful points of reference, and you can help with this aspect if you stick around.
ONE COULD liken the situation to someone playing out their life on an uneven field, needing a friend, a befriender or just a 'friend in court' in a general sense. Sometimes people cope pretty well for longish periods. In fact, they may effectively push away those who have been helping them. The general idea is to be available in case of need, but not too close all the while. It's hard to know what is really required at times but you will both get the idea as things progress. Basically, the survivor or person needing help knows deep down what is best for them: No-one else can really know, but they can help just by being there and sometimes drawing some of it out without being intrusive.
SOMETIMES it can feel like too much for you to continue which is when it helps to have someone you can chat to in a general sense without breaking confidences, or just let off some steam, or get away for a while to recharge your own batteries.
YOU CAN make a lot of difference, but try to remember there are also some things you simply cannot do.
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