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SCAPEGOATING, Abuse & One-upmanship

Guidelines for Seeking Help/
Self-Help;

Books & Links

 

IF YOU ARE thinking about counselling, therapy, hypnotherapy or just some support for yourself it may help to look at what other people say, what they feel the process has done in their situation or what they have seen and read.  And you'll likely have some thoughts of your own - whether you feel drawn to certain approaches, or are uneasy or just not drawn in that direction.

THE INTERNET has plenty of information, so that you can see where you might fit into the general framework of 'talking therapy' or counselling, or perhaps hypnotherapy.  SEARCH ENGINES are a useful place to start - in fact there's so much information it can be hard to know where to stop!  Ask in the LIBRARY, or approach professional organisations.

GET a FEEL of what people say, whether you yourself like the idea or not, or you do but with reservations. NATURALLY a great deal depends on the kind of help available in your area, and some help can be relatively expensive, so you'll want to make sure you are happy about trusting yourself and your cash to someone else.

WHAT SUITS one person may not suit you, so you will be the best person to decide what you want to do, when you want to do it, how much you wish to pay and how much time you have available.

A WORD of CAUTION here, because you may have some physical problem which people perhaps have told you (and you may believe this yourself) could be largely due to your state of mind. Certainly one's state of mind is important in all sorts of ways, and stress or anxiety for instance could be playing a part in things. You owe it to yourself to visit your doctor or to find a doctor who can make the necessary health checks and give advice. You are the person responsible for yourself.

HYPNOSIS is simply a word used to describe the state of hypnosis. There are differing views on that, for instance whether it is a form of sleep, self-induced hypnosis, or a state of suggestibility where the conscious mind does not 'get in the way' of what is needed at a deeper level, and so on. Here again you will have ideas about what the process is, what it can do for people, and what you want it to do for you, and there's no definitive answer.

YOU MAY have seen stage performances at the theatre or on TV where the hypnotist seems able to do anything he wants with members of the audience, to the extent that they seem under his control. That is 'entertainment' - well some people think so. Hypnotherapy carried out properly does not work like that. The client should retain control of the procedure just as much as he or she would like and feels a need for.

HYPNOTHERAPY is a process where the hypnotherapist works with a client to help them in their life. It would be no good solving one problem brilliantly for him or her, without looking at other areas of the person's life or personality which could be affected. Some areas of behaviour can be worked on using mainly behavioural methods, or a combination of cognition and de-sensitisation. Hypnotherapy can also use these principles.

EVERYONE is an individual, and what a hypnotherapist or any other type of therapist should do, is gain sufficient information in order to provide the most appropriate help in the circumstances. By accessing the client's subconscious during hypnosis it can become easier to find and address the root cause of the problem.  Other people would say it is not always necessary to do this, or that one can basically work with the conscious mind.  Relaxation itself can be a significant component either way.

WORK OUT which method would suit you, your personality and your situation best. You may be apprehensive about forms of therapy on offer, and that is perfectly acceptable. Keep on looking till you find what you are looking for. Don't go for something that doesn't feel right, whatever other people may say. The same applies to any type of activity! Have a look at plenty of information too.

IF YOU THINK you would like to embark on any kind of therapy or counselling for yourself, allow some time to find a practitioner who is near enough, ask for a brochure, ask for a free chat to satisfy yourself that the therapy is what you want and this is the sort of person you feel comfortable with.  It is not your fault or theirs if you feel you don't get along.

HOW LONG
help should last will obviously vary according to many factors, but try to look ahead and discuss the issue so as not to prolong it unnecessarily.

THESE PRINCIPLES should apply to anyone you are thinking of approaching for help, such as a counsellor or therapist, voluntary agency or self-help organisation.. Give yourself some time to work out what YOU want first and foremost, and don't let someone else persuade you, or invade your privacy.

MOST of the WORK is done by the client, whatever the method used, and YOU are the person leading your life.  Good counselling and help are really about helping individuals to work out what is best for them, rather than imposing any particular framework or ideology.

FROM PAGE 9:
'PEOPLE OFTEN
help themselves and others without recourse to 'experts'.  People living through war or other traumatic times may not have access to help, and it is a relatively recent development that people look more to others to guide them.  We are not attempting to devalue good help, rather to say that people may manage better than they think without it, and help of the not-so-good kind is exactly what the term implies!  But it may be that the kind of help is not suitable for the person, or at that time, or that the counsellor or therapist just does not suit an individual.'

GOING IT ALONE may be a better option until things become clearer in your mind, or the situation settles somewhat.  There is nothing to feel ashamed of in wanting to get help for yourself, but things can become confused or compounded by intervention which does not suit a person.  Circumstances can and do change and are often a significant factor contributing to our experience.

A FACTSHEET on counselling issues  is available from MIND or for download at:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Making+sense/Making+sense+of+counselling.htm

MORE on this THEME can be found HERE

For some aspects of coerciveness in counselling or psychotherapy visit Trubbles website at http://trubbles.t35.com
'Doc Matrix' Flash animations on Cults, Beliefs etc - http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/docmatrix

More Books & Links on these issues particularly relevant for the UK are at
http://www.talkingcure.co.uk

 

SELF-HELP Issues
Scroll down for Books & Links

Most people have times when they worry what they have said or done, or about what happened or was done to them.  Perhaps we want to share those - and perhaps not.  We each have our own ways of handling things and everyone is different.  There is an internal narrative running where we describe things to ourselves, and this could change in the telling as we explain or re-classify things to suit how we feel.  Some people 'manage' their illness or pain, not pushing themselves too far all the while.  We can become aware of what is making things worse.  To some degree we can contain or accommodate periods of depression, loneliness, anxiety or confusion in ourselves or those we know.  People can and do help each other along the lines of 'a friend in court' - someone who is basically there and aware how things are.

It can be difficult to know where to begin with seeking help for oneself on private matters.  There is currently some media attention concerning the effectiveness of drugs for certain types of psychological problems.  There can be controversy too about what is called 'talking cures' and whether those are always helpful, or even unhelpful if they are not suitable or experienced as intrusive.  Some books and links appear below, and the general idea is to show that there is not necessarily something terribly wrong with us as individuals, but that we live in a wider society or environment - It helps to see some of that too. 

You may or may not like the approach of the books or links but might use them as a starting point while searching for yourself.  Some writers imply there is 'no such thing' as mental illness and we do not entirely agree.  But there can be other valid ways of looking at problems, how they may arise and what can be done.  Support from outside can be helpful, but people can be very effective themselves, and information-gathering worth the effort.  We may give ourselves labels in an attempt to understand better and find some 'solution', but labels in themselves can be hard to overcome, so we may saddle ourselves with them unnecessarily.

There is plenty of information available on the Internet.  Take your time and look at alternatives, and try not to feel under pressure to conform to what others may say.  There are a range of email support groups too, but it is as well to bear in mind that what you say there is pretty public.  As with any type of disclosure, something one says cannot get 'un-said' again!

You are free to take on board information that could be relevant or helpful and leave the rest, making your own way forward as best you can.  Your opinions on how to manage your life on your own or whether to seek help and which kind, are more valid than anyone's, however well-meaning, or whatever 'expertise' lies behind the advice.  As a general guideline, we suggest avoiding approaches which do not feel right at this time, even though you can't put your finger on a reason.

 

BOOKS AND LINKS

'Selfwatching: Addictions, Habits, Compulsions: what to do about them' by Ray Hodgson & Peter Miller

Dorothy Rowe's books on many subjects to do with human emotions and relationships (some available cheaply secondhand at www.amazon.co.uk or you can see them in book stores)

'Madness Explained: Psychosis and Human Nature' by Richard P. Bentall & Aaron T. Beck
'Manufacturing Victims: What the Psychology Industry is doing to People' by Tana Dineen
'House of Cards: Psychology and Psychotherapy Built on Myth' by Robyn M. Dawes
'Therapy Culture' by Frank Furedi
'The Myth of the Chemical Cure' by Joanna Moncrieff
'The Myth of Mental Illness' by Thomas S. Szasz

Talking Cure - useful information & links relevant for the UK at:
www.talkingcure.co.uk (site of Dr Douglas McFadzean & associates)

'Citizens Advice Handbook: Practical Independent Advice' Penguin paperback C.A.B.
'Your Rights: the Liberty Guide to Human Rights' by Megan Addis & Penelope Morrow
'Advocacy Skills for Health & Social Care Professionals' by Neil Bateman
'Getting to Yes: Negotiating an Agreement Without Giving In' by Roger Fisher & William Ury
'From Conflict to Co-operation: How to Mediate a Dispute' by Dr Beverly Potter

'No Smoke: the Shocking Truth about British Justice' by Sandra Lean
'Rethinking Miscarriages of Justice: Beyond the Tip of the Iceberg'  by Dr Michael Naughton

CAB - Civil Rights in England  www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_rights/civil_rights.htm
LIBERTY (Civil Liberties/Human Rights) - http://www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk

JOSEPH ROWNTREE FOUNDATION:  http://www.jrf.org.uk  ::  JRF LINKS - http://www.jrf.org.uk/links
JRF REPORT APRIL 2008 on social issues affecting individuals - http://www.socialevils.org.uk

SAMARITANS - http://www.samaritans.org - REPORT ON WORKPLACE BULLYING available in Word or pdf format: http://www.samaritans.org/media_centre/latest_press_releases/workplace_bullying_rife.aspx


More Organisations relevant to some of these are HERE

HELPING YOURSELF or OTHERS

Disability & Human Rights
For information for yourself or someone you know, or to keep informed on disability issues and what you can do to help, visit:
SCOPE at www.scope.org.uk for information on cerebral palsy and on disabled people achieving equality.  You can get involved in their campaign at www.timetogetequal.org.uk
Disability Now at www.disabilitynow.org.uk for information about living with disability.  They have compiled a list of crimes against disabled people at www.disabilitynow.org.uk/the-hate-crime-dossier

Homelessness or risk of homelessness
Visit Shelter at www.shelter.org.uk for information and advice.  Click on the site for relevant information for England, Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.  Or type Homelessness into a search engine like Google and click any of the links to get started.

Mental Health issues
Visit MIND at www.mind.org.uk for information and factsheets on a wide range of issues or to get involved with their campaigns.  Useful factsheet on counselling issues at http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Making+sense/Making+sense+of+counselling.htm

Young People & Students
PAPYRUS - for young people, or if you are concerned for someone - http://www.papyrus-uk.org
LINKS at http://www.papyrus-uk.org/useful-links.html

HOPELine UK Telephone 08000 68 41 41   Website http://www.papyrus-uk.org/hln.html

This is a small selection.  There may be other organisations or issues closer to your needs or of someone you know.  Many of us are vulnerable at some point in life, and something we do might swing the tide for more people to get a fairer deal.  We could be 'the hundredth monkey' adding our name to a list, or help a charity shop to raise funds - It all makes a difference!

Neither TANSAL nor any individuals involved in providing information for our Websites
or Links can be held responsible in any way for any of the organisations,
books other information mentioned here or elsewhere.

We regret that we are unable to give support to individuals
but hope you will find something to follow up on and support you on these pages.

You can search the Internet for information, follow Links. look in Directories or Newsletters,
and work towards something to suit you.  The purpose of these Websites is to help you in this search,
to encourage you to believe that there
is good help out there.

It may be difficult to find something in your area, or something relating to your own personal experiences,
but it is worth the effort. You can print these pages off for anyone you know who is seeking help.


For Non-Web Users - If you know someone with Internet access and a printer, or you can
get to an Internet café or Library ask them to print parts of this Site or other information.
 
IF YOU ARE supporting a friend or person who experienced abuse or in an abusive situation now:

Click HERE for Survivor Links
Click HERE for Supporting a Survivor of Abuse
HERE - Supporting a Survivor of Cult Ritual Abuse
Click HERE for information on Domestic Violence, Stalking, Harassment, Bullying, Coercion

Search Engines www.google.com, www.yahoo.co.uk, www.lycos.co.uk, www.ask.com  etc.

Site Summary
Survivor Links are all now on Page 3
General Links, Page 4  :  Young People, Page 4
Directories/ Offline/ Other information
Violence, Stalking, Harassment, Bullying, Coercive
Mental Health, Books & some Events

Other Links:
Human Rights/Civil Liberties - includes UK info
Group Aspects of Behaviour, Dissing, Cults, Beliefs, Scams
Scapegoating & Abuse
Guidelines on Seeking Help/ Self-Help

 
 

IF YOU FIND ANY SITUATION BECOMING TOO HARD TO HANDLE
THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF IN ADMITTING TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS
THAT YOU MAY NEED TO LEAVE IT, OR THAT YOU NEED SOME SUPPORT

 

 

The Abuse Network Survivor Aid Links |
Supporting a Survivor of Abuse |
NEW - Human Rights, Disabilities, Mental Health, Injustice |

Scapegoating, Abuse & One-upmanship |
Domestic Violence, Stalking, Bullying, Coercive Relationships |

Social/Group Aspects of Behaviour, Cults, Beliefs, Scams |

Survivor Links | General Links |
Directories/ Offline/ Other Information |

Guidelines for Seeking Help/ Self-Help |
Books, Events, Training, Mental Health Issues