TANSAL - Domestic Violence, Stalking, Bullying, Groups



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Domestic Violence, Stalking, Harassment, Bullying, Coercive Relationships

Stalking/ Harassment Books & Articles; Anger, Stress, Trauma
Safety Tips, Books, Videos
Groups & Ostracism Links; Scapegoating page

scales of justice

VIDEOS - If you are unable to watch videos on your computer, most of the information can be found in the text or links further down the page.
Allow time for them to load onto the page.

Video 'Safety OnLine & Off - Young & Older'
Video 'Christmas - Season with a Pinch of Salt'

Video 'Let's Reduce Abuse'
Video 'Missing from Home/ Runaways'

The following may help towards finding information and help. Scroll down this page for
Stalking/ Harassment/ Bullying/ Coercive Relationships; Books & Links

LINKS on Domestic Violence

http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/domestic_violence.php SupportLineTelephone new Helpline number 01708 765200: Provides details of counsellors and agencies throughout the UK.  Emotional support/ befriending via phone, post and email.  For children, young adults, adults, and particularly anyone socially isolated, vulnerable or at risk, and victims of any form of abuse.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/hh/ BBC website with a great deal of useful information, articles and links on domestic violence issues

http://www.refuge.org.uk 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline 0808 2000 247 is run in partnership with Women's Aid and Refuge (see next Link)

Refuge is a national charity for women and children experiencing domestic violence.  Their Links page lists many useful organisations.

http://womensaid.org.uk National network providing support, information packs, campaigning to improve laws and services for women and children facing domestic violence.  They have now launched Hideout, a special Domestic Violence website for children and young people (see next Link).

http://www.thehideout.org.uk Specially for children and young people wanting information and support if they are facing or seeing Domestic Violence.  Includes 'What Can I Do', 'Helping a Friend', 'Exploring my Feelings'.  Worth a visit from young people and adults.

http://www.refuge.org.uk/linksAndUsefulNumbers.html Refuge lists a number of useful Links offering support for women and children from multi-cultural backgrounds.

http://www.lgbt-dv.org/html/rainbow Broken Rainbow website specifically for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transsexuals concerned about Domestic Violence. 

http://www.respect.uk.net Respect is a registered charity helping men and their partners learn more about what causes Domestic Violence and how to cope with the issues.  Further information at the BBC website (see next Link).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/hh/pp01/shtml Free Article by Jo Todd 'Help for perpetrators of domestic violence'

National Stalking Helpline Launched

The National Stalking Helpline will start operating from Thursday 29th April 2010. It will offer information, advice and guidance for anyone affected by stalking and harassment via a telephone line 0808 802 030 Email advice@stalkinghelpline.org Website www.stalkinghelpline.org

  • Practical advice including personal safety, how to collect or preserve evidence, and what to do about different stalking behaviours e.g. silent phone calls or malicious letters.
  • It will also provide advice about the two different legal routes that can be taken i.e. civil or via the police.
  • It offers information about how to report stalking to the police, what to expect when you report an incident and what to take with you.

LINKS page at www.stalkinghelpline.org/useful-links/

STALKING, Harassment, Bullying, Coercive Relationshiips

People may not realise a relationship is bullying or coercive when it seems to be caring or seductive
Search for information on Stalking, Bullying, Harassment, Self-assertiveness at www.google.com
Another avenue to try is help via Advocacy : The following Books & Links may help you get started

http://www.nss.org.uk  Stalking information particularly relevant for UK
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/bullying_at_work.php  Workplace bullying, plus a wide range of information & Links at SupportLine, a Charity offering emotional support via telephone/email/post
http://www.bullyeq.com  Bully EQ Site with information on bullying, manipulation, mobbing, scapegoating.  Also contains a Mirror of Tim Field's Bully Online Site at http://www.bullyeq.com/bol
And Tim Field's site is now up at http://www.bullyoffline.org
http://www.nfh.org.uk  Neighbours From Hell in the UK - Information on how to cope wherever you are

Information for young people including bullying and harassment at school, college and outside;
Includes information on bullying and harassment at work

JOSEPH ROWNTREE FOUNDATION:  http://www.jrf.org.uk  ::  JRF LINKS - http://www.jrf.org.uk/links
JRF REPORT APRIL 2008 on social issues affecting individuals - http://www.socialevils.org.uk

SAINSBURY CENTRE for MENTAL HEALTH www.scmh.org.uk/ Download the Bradley Report suggestions on ways to improve the treatment of people with mental health problems in the criminal justice system

SAMARITANS - http://www.samaritans.org
available in Word or pdf format:

STALKING Books & Links

'Stalking & Psychosexual Obsession: Psychological Perspectives for Prevention, Policing & Treatment' edited by Julian Boon & Lorraine Sheridan
'Stalkers': Disturbing True-life Stories of Harassment, Jealousy & Obsession' by Polly Clarkson
'Violent Attachments' by J Reid Meloy
'Halting the Sexual Predators Among Us - Preventing attack, rape, and lust homicide' by Duane Dobbert
Factors in Violence - article and books for those who are sometimes violent

'Jailed Stalker Learns Fate':  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/1530209.stm
'Grievous Bodily Harm by Stalking':  http://www.rjerrard.co.uk/law/cases/burstow.htm
Further article on Tracey Morgan's case:  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/150718.stm
'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: the invisible injury' details at http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/books/ptsdmain.htm
'The Sociopath Next Door' by Martha Stout
'Without Conscience - the Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among us' by Robert D Hare
'Erased - Missing Women, Murdered Wives' by Marilee Strong

'In Sheep's Clothing - Understanding and dealing with manipulative people' by George K Simon

Diane Wetendorf Abuse of Power site www.abuseofpower.info
Officer-Involved Domestic Violence Network www.policedomesticviolence.com
Behind the Blue Wall blog http://behindthebluewall.blogspot.com

NOTE: In the UK some Stalking/Bullying/Harassment cases can come under Criminal Law rather than Civil Law - See article at Network for Surviving Stalking at http://www.nss.org.uk/legal/criminallaw.html

More on SAFETY, Books, Videos on this page


SAFETY TIPS for being in contact both on and off-line

Network for Surviving Stalking www.nss.org.uk
Crimestoppers Personal Safety www.crimestoppers-uk.org/crime-prevention/helping-prevent-crime/personal-safety
Suzy Lamplugh Trust - Personal Safety Tips http://www.suzylamplugh.org/content.a...
Lucie Blackman Trust www.lucieblackmantrust.org

Bully Online www.bullyonline.org The Field Foundation


'Murder.com' - How death can be only a click away, by Christopher Berry-Dee & Steven Morris;
'Stalkers - True-life stories of harassment, jealousy & obsession' by Polly Clarkson
'Anyone You Want Me To Be - A true story of sex & death on the Internet' by John Douglas & Steven Singular
'I'll Be Watching You - True stories of stalkers & their victims' by Richard Gallagher
'Erased - Missing women, murdered wives' by Marilee Strong
'Without Conscience - The world of psychopaths among us' by Robert D Hare
'The Sociopath Next Door' by Martha Stout
'In Sheep's Clothing - Understanding and dealing with manipulative people' by George K Simon
'Preventing Violence' by James Gilligan
'Women, Men & Rape' by Ray Wyre & Anthony Swift


Ann Rule has written many true crime books, not only about women who suffer or die at the hands of people they know or who are complete strangers, but about men who do too. Her website is www.annrules.com

'But I Trusted You and other true cases'

'Too Late to Say Goodbye' - 'To all women who are living in fear of recrimination and stalking, in a kind of captivity, at the hands of men they once loved and trusted'

'Smoke, Mirrors and Murder' - Writing about 'pathological jealousy' Ann Rule says 'A woman in this kind of relationship is caught in a cage - as sure as if she were actually hemmed in by iron bars... What they once believed was true love was really their partners' need to control them.'

'Although SH and her children are safe, there are... women and children who are not. They are somewhere along the inexorable progression from the promise of love to disappointment to isolation to emotional abuse to fear to loss of hope... It shouldn't be that way.'


'Beating Anger': Where your anger comes from, How to recognise your type of anger, the four key triggers of anger' by Mike Fisher - 'Some people can't control their anger, other people can't begin to express it.' Evening Standard

'Managing Anger' by Gael Lindenfield
'Releasing Anger' by Liz Adamson

Factors in Violence for those who are sometimes violent


'Teach Yourself: Managing Stress' by Terry Looker & Olga Gregson
'Stress Management 10 Minute Guide' by Jeff Davidson
'Thrive on Stress' by Jan Sutton
'Living with Stress' by Cary L Cooper, Rachel D Cooper, Lynn M Baker
'Stress, Cognition & Health' by Tony Cassidy
'Parents Who Kill' by Carole Anne Davis - includes Resources to help parents understand


'Coping with Life's Traumas' by Gladeana McMahon
'Post Trauma Stress - a Personal Guide for dealing with and recovering from post-trauma stress' by Frank Parkinson


The following is summarised from 'Beating Anger' by Mike Fisher
'The Eight Golden Rules of Anger Management'
page 219

1. Back off, stop, think, take a look at the big picture;
2. It's OK to have a different opinion;
3. Listen actively;
4. Use your emotional support network;
5. Keep an anger management journal;
6. Don't take things personally;
7. Let go of expectations;
8. Anger by appointment only, which helps the 'exploder' to contain, and the 'imploder' to assert themselves:
'When we speak in the heat of the moment, we are likely to be regressed, and what comes out of our mouths...
is often designed to hurt, maim, wound.'

The reason for brief summaries and lists of books is to show CHANGES CAN BE MADE to behaviour - We do not ALL have to believe that NOTHING can be changed! Try to read something on the subject, see what you think, find what suits YOU best


GROUPS and personal relationships can have coercive or cult-like qualities, and it can be difficult to see them for what they are and to get help and understanding.  Influence can include a subtle and more seductive approach than something more obviously controlling or obtrusive. More information on the Groups, Cults, Scams page.

Social/Group Aspects Page on this Website. It includes some more Cult-related links, plus links on Con-Tricks, Scams & Deceptions. You can see more on this on the BBC Website 'The Real Hustle'

Visit http://www.rickross.com for a lead-in to information on coercive personal relationships including Cults, a Forum & Booklist.
For Groups, Cults, Indoctrination, Exiting click HERE
For Scapegoating & Abuse click HERE

Some 'Guidelines for Seeking Help' in a more general sense are HERE

Ostracism can cause a real pain!

Is it really worth it?

Whether it gets called ostracism, rejection, dissing or whatever, the effects of silent treatment can be hard to take.

Click for 'Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain' by Naomi Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman http://www.neuro-psa.org.uk/download/rejection.pdf

Ostracism: The Cruel Power of Silence, an All in the Mind radio interview http://www.abc.net.au/rn/science/mind/stories/s1066040.htm

Kipling Williams has researched ostracism and its effects, and you can search on Google or any search engine for details on his work. Some books he has authored are available from Amazon:
'The Social Outcast: Ostracism, Social Exclusion, Rejection, and Bullying' by Kipling D. Williams, Joseph P. Forgas, William Von Hippel'Ostracism: The Power of Silence' by Kipling D. Williams
Also see: 'Don't Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection' by Elayne Savage

Amazon often have second-hand books which are much cheaper! You can read up about books and authors without having to buy

Scapegoating and ostracism have similarities: Someone or some people can get blamed or ignored
- as if they did something wrong, or there's something different about them

Actually it can happen to anyone, and for no particular reason
It can be quite hard to change the pattern. Get some support if you can, and read up on it for yourself


The Royalist forces of King Charles I (were pitted) against the Parliamentarian armies of Oliver Cromwell. Coventry; a Parliamentarian stronghold said to have been used to house hundreds of Royalist prisoners captured by Cromwell's forces. A Royalist in Coventry would, no doubt, have been very unpopular, so "to be sent to Coventry" came to be a popular saying meaning, "to be ostracized." It has also been suggested that Coventry was used as a place of execution during the same period, in which case "to be sent to Coventry" signaled a fate somewhat worse than having no one to talk to.

In 1642 Charles I was suspected of being a Catholic in secret. Consequently he and Parliament frequently clashed. In the end the king left London and established an army, as did Parliament. These events sowed the seeds for the English Civil War. However it wasn't until almost a century after the English Civil Wars that the idiom was used to describe a person who was to be excluded from a circle of friends. The first occurrence of it used in this manner in print was recorded in 1765, and is generally taken to refer to the Civil War.

A third likelihood is a popular explanation is that the name Coventry is a derivative of a Covin-tree from feudal times and thought to be an oak which stood in front of the castle for hanging criminals. Used as a gallows, those to be executed were "sent to the covin-tree."

Still popular among the British labor unions today the phrase is used to punish strikebreakers. A powerful tool for social pressure, the person sent to Coventry is given the silent treatment until they eventually give up and resign.

People may not realise a relationship is bullying or coercive when it seems to be caring or seductive
Search for information on Stalking, Bullying, Harassment, Self-assertiveness at www.google.com

TANSAL Human Rights, Disabilities, Mental Health
Miscarriages of Justice | Prisoners and their Families, Veterans
Problems with Evidence and Testimony | False Confessions

Supporting a Survivor plus Survivor Links
General Links,
Directories| Guidelines for Help & Self-Help
Mental Health Resources | Some Questions on Help

Group Aspects of Behaviour, Cults, Beliefs, Scams | Scapegoating, Abuse, Dissing
Domestic Violence, Stalking, Bullying, Coercive Relationships, Safety Videos & Books
Anger Management, Stress & Health, Coping with Post Trauma

Let's Reduce Abuse Link | Video Playlists on TansalOne | HOME

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