TANSAL - Supporting a Survivor of Abuse



Cults, Scams | Bullying, Stalking, Violence | Scapegoating, Ostracism | Human Rights | Miscarriages of Justice
Prisons, Prisoners' Families | Disabilities | Mental Health Resources | Abuse Survivors Support | Anger, Stress, Trauma

Supporting a Survivor of Abuse

Mental Health Books; Getting the right help
Survivor Links below; Directories /Offline & other information here

scales of justice

You can search on the Internet for information, follow Links, look in Directories or Newsletters, and work towards something to suit you.  The purpose of this Website is to help in this search and encourage you to believe that there is good help out there, whether for yourself or for someone you know, whether the incident is in the distant past or current.

FIRSTLY  it helps people just to know that someone listens to them and basically would like to help.

SECONDLY  there is plenty more information available in these days of the Internet and self-help groups - both online and offline.

DIFFERENT  approaches and helpers suit different people and there can be significant cultural differences too.  What may be helpful at one time in someone's life may be counter-productive at another;  One may feel ready to try something new as time progresses.

IF YOU  are supporting a friend or someone you know, whether they experienced difficulties a long time ago which are affecting them now, or whether they are going through a current difficulty, try to reassure them that they are not alone in their situation, that you will help with what you can, when that is possible.  In a sense you are 'containing' the situation to the best of your ability when you can, and may be able to work out strategies for other times.

YOUR FRIEND  or contact will naturally have some occasions which are harder for them than others.  You or someone helping might put a lot of time in, thinking the situation will improve and things settle.  Your friend may rely on all that time and effort, and expect it when perhaps you can't always help out, or you feel they need to cope more with something for themselves.

AT SOME STAGE  you or the person helping out will need to explain to the survivor or person in trouble that the same level of help is not always going to be viable or expedient.  However, any time something changes in a situation like this where emotions are involved - and emotions do get involved because of the two-way caring - there can be anger and resentment.  There's no easy answer, but the general idea is to stick around when the boat gets rocked, either by an external situation involving the survivor or one involving the supporter.  That way, trust can actually get strengthened and you weather more storms if they arise.

THIS SECTION  may help with the longer-term side of the situation.  What may have happened to your friend or the person being helped, is they had unpleasant or traumatic experiences in the past which made them vulnerable then and now.  There can be situations or people which affect them deeply because of their past experiences.  There are likely to be a range of personal relationships, social or support workers, GPs etc, and one can discuss and compare some of them to see what is happening over time.  Events and people become useful points of reference, and you can help with this aspect if you stick around.

ONE COULD  liken the situation to someone playing out their life on an uneven field, needing a friend, a befriender or just a 'friend in court' in a general sense.  Sometimes people cope pretty well for longish periods.  In fact, they may effectively push away those who have been helping them.  The general idea is to be available in case of need, but not too close all the while.  It's hard to know what is really required at times but you will both get the idea as things progress.  Basically, the survivor or person needing help knows deep down what is best for them:  No-one else can really know, but they can help just by being there and sometimes drawing some of it out without being intrusive.

SOMETIMES  it can feel like too much for you to continue which is when it helps to have someone you can chat to in a general sense without breaking confidences, or just let off some steam, or get away for a while to recharge your own batteries.

YOU CAN  make a lot of  difference, but try to remember there are also some things you simply cannot do.

DIRECTORIES, Organisations offering information/ help, i.e. Rape Crisis, Victim Support, CAB, MIND, DABS - CLICK HERE.

NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood) www.napac.org.uk for details on their free telephone Support Line.  Information on local and national support organisations is available on the Website. Just type in your Postcode for immediate online information about resources near you.

The Survivors Trust www.thesurvivorstrust.org is a national umbrella agency for 126 specialist voluntary sector agencies providing a range of counselling, therapeutic and support services working with women, men and children who are victims/survivors of rape, sexual violence and childhood sexual abuse. Click on the UK map for details of Survivors Trust Member Agencies in your area.  See also the 'Information for Survivors' page.

Care Leavers' Association www.careleavers.com CLA, St Thomas Centre, Ardwick Green North, Manchester, M12 6FZ, Tel: 0161 275 9500. For those previously in care as children: General information and support including for care leavers who have suffered neglect or abuse;  networking, access to case records, higher/further education; research to raise public awareness of the needs of care leavers; links & resources.

Also see: Respond | VoiceUK | Ann Craft Trust | MIND | Victim Support | Samaritans | NAPAC | Women's Aid | Bully Online | Childline

Please exercise caution in following up information. Links are provided in the hope that they are useful. We cannot accept responsibility for them, and do not necessarily endorse their content.


http://www.napac.org.uk   National Association for People Abused in Childhood, 42 Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH.  Write to them for information on help in your area. ring the freephone Infoline on 0800 085 3330, or search for resources at their website by typing in your postal code.

http://safelinewarwick.co.uk/   Telephone and email support relating to abuse and recovery.  Forums and links.

David Baldwin's Trauma Pages for a wealth of information on trauma and its effects, and ways of seeking help.  Searchable site at www.trauma-pages.com with site index/web links at www.trauma-pages.com/pg6.htm

http://www.self-injury-abuse-trauma-directory.info   Extensive listing of self-injury, abuse and trauma resources

http://www.no-panic.co.uk   Telephone Helpline 10am-10pm : 01952 590545   NO PANIC, 93 Brands Farm Way, Telford, Shropshire TF3 2JQ   For people suffering from panic attacks, phobias, obsessive/compulsive disorders, anxiety, tranquilliser withdrawal.  Support to families and/or carers. Information pack, books, audio & video cassettes.  Local self-help groups/ telephone recovery groups for sufferers & carers.  During night hours (10pm to 10am) the helpline carries a recorded "crisis" message to help sufferers cope with anxiety attacks.

http://www.addictionnetwork.co.uk  Contains extensive information on alcoholism and other addictions.

http://www.uk-mentalhealth.co.uk   A useful UK site with information on a range of problem areas, Links

http://www.survivorsuk.co.uk/   National Helpline offering information, support and counselling to anyone affected by the sexual assault of men.  Offers training to agencies.

AMSOSA www.amsosa.com A useful UK site with information on a range of problem areas for abuse survivors.

http://www.survivors.org.uk/   For survivors of childhood abuse, including Chat Room and Newsletter.

http://www.aest.org.uk/  Interactive support to survivors of childhood sexual abuse, including help for males.  Forums and information on helping organisations by region in the UK.

http://www.asarian.org   A non-profit organisation based in the USA which offers help to survivors anywhere, via information, resource links, chat rooms, and email support lists.

http://www.ukselfhelp.info/  Up to date contact details for more than 800 National UK Self Help Groups & Support Organisations which together provide advice & empathy for over 2,000 conditions.

http://www.relate.org.uk/   Website for the Relate providing counselling for all types of relationship problem.

http://www.rapecrisis.co.uk   Rape Crisis Federation.  Branches across UK.  Offers support in relation to child abuse.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk   Women's Aid Federation.  National charity in England for women and children experiencing physical, sexual or emotional abuse in their homes.

http://www.childabuselawyers.com   Association of Child Abuse Lawyers.  Support for lawyers and professionals working with adults and children who have been abused.

http://incestabuse.about.com   Site with information on abuse and recovery, including incest.  Worldwide telephone hotlines for help and information at http://incestabuse.about.com/cs/hotlines1/index.htm

www.phobics-society.org.uk/  For Factsheets, useful Links, Videos, etc.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/regions/england.html  Telephone numbers and times available for regions in England.

http://bubl.ac.uk/uk/charities/add.htm   Useful Sites on addictions and help.

www.nsf.org.uk/   National Schizophrenia Fellowship.  National charity for everyone affected by severe mental illness, with national networks of mutual support groups for carers and for users.

http://www.bapscan.org.uk   British Association for the Study & Prevention of Childhood Abuse & Neglect.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/  NSPCC Child Protection Helpline.  Free 24 service which provides counselling, information and advice to anyone concerned about a child at risk of abuse.

CAB (Citizens' Advice Bureaux)  See local telephone directories, ask in the library, or visit www.nacab.org.uk

MIND Factsheets and information at http://www.mind.org.uk/

THE SAMARITANS including on-line help and email support.  Tel. 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours)  www.samaritans.org.uk/



PAPYRUS - for young people, or if you are
concerned for someone
LINKS www.papyrus-uk.org/useful-links.html

Telephone 08000 68 41 41   

For non-Web Users

If you know someone with Internet
access and a printer, or you can get
to an Internet café or Library,
ask them to print parts of this Site,
or other information

You could show it to people to help talk to them

Video 'Safety OnLine & Off - Young & Older'
Video 'Christmas - Season with a Pinch of Salt'

Video 'Let's Reduce Abuse'
Video 'Missing from Home/ Runaways'

IF YOU ARE supporting a friend or person who experienced abuse or is in an abusive situation now:

Click HERE for Survivor Links
Click HERE for Supporting a Survivor of Abuse

Click HERE for Domestic Violence, Stalking, Harassment, Bullying, Coercion

Search Engines:  www.google.com, www.yahoo.co.uk, www.lycos.co.uk, www.ask.com,  etc.

Gender ID, Gender variance, Transgender, Transition
Some ideas are likely to appeal to you more than others. If you dislike an approach, keep on searching! Information and resources can be found at:

MERMAIDS - www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/index.html
GIRES - www.gires.org.uk/ where there are free downloadable booklets in pdf format

Articles: 'I Feel Like My Body Is Wrong, But My Parents Say My Feelings Are Wrong'
and www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/2000/05/24/12569/A-mixed-up-world.htm

Rights/resources: www.equalityhumanrights.com/your-rights/transgender

Playlist: www.youtube.com/user/survivorway#grid/user/306439400FF0124A
or visit Survivorway on YouTube www.youtube.com/user/survivorway

Missing from Home/ or Runaways;
Group, Family, Other Pressures

DON'T get Labelled
Dissing, Splits, Divides
Cults/Groups : Hustles, Beliefs, Scams
Doc Matrix X-files
P-Y-O Parts & Roles
Problems are Not all Your Fault!
'Let's Reduce Abuse' - Get Good Help

doc matrix riding a pennyfarthing cycle

Missing from Home/ Runaways

BBC Website at www.bbc.co.uk/headroom ‘Unwind Your Mind’ (may need Java/ Flash) or click top left on Site for Text Only. Contacts for Help & LINKS

Myth Buster section explains some Mental Health misunderstandings

‘Missing Live’ TV - People say why they missing
See Moodscape to create your own online Animation

MISSING PEOPLE Free TEXT for young Runaways: Text 80234: Freefone 24-hours 0808 800 70 70, Email www.missingpeople.org.uk

ACTION for CHILDREN help families through difficult periods - See Website for information, animated ads www.actionforchildren.org.uk

More Links plus Disability information
Doc Matrix updates on YouTube 'theCojent'

TANSAL Supports Let's Reduce Abuse

Direct link to 'Doc Matrix' site with useful tips for young or older people
'Doc' has some outline Questions on therapy & help, now pasted here for access


The following is a direct link to reviews at Amazon on 'Second Thoughts' by Dr Paul Simpson, a therapist who came to believe that the type of help he offered clients led to confusion and false allegations. He founded Project Middle Ground in America to open up dialogue between his clients and family members whom they accused of abuse. In view of the success often encountered, it is mentioned in the hopes that something similar may be attempted in the UK. People similarly affected can check the comments made and see how they apply to their own lives, either as accusers or as accused individuals: http://www.amazon.com/Second-Thoughts-Paul-Simpson/product-reviews/0785274189. Further information is at http://www.equip.org/articles/second-thoughts-about-recovered-memories

Various academics at UK universities have written papers about bridging what might seem an impossible divide. Sadly people tend to fight a particular corner, but Dr Simpson showed that it is possible to try for a middle ground, with some considerable effect. Several books shedding light on how some misunderstandings could have arisen have been written in America since 1995. It seems a pity to let all of that, plus what has been achieved in the UK, remain unattended for the most part. Perhaps Dr Simpson's approach of working with families involved in the controversy is not directly applicable in the UK, but that does not mean there may not be an alternative approach that suits our culture.

People may not realise a relationship is bullying or coercive when it seems to be caring or seductive
Search for information on Stalking, Bullying, Harassment, Self-assertiveness at www.google.com


TANSAL Human Rights, Disabilities, Mental Health
Miscarriages of Justice | Prisoners and their Families, Veterans
Problems with Evidence and Testimony | False Confessions

Supporting a Survivor plus Survivor Links
General Links,
Directories | Guidelines for Help & Self-Help
Mental Health Resources | Some Questions on Help

Group Aspects of Behaviour, Cults, Beliefs, Scams | Scapegoating, Abuse, Dissing
Domestic Violence, Stalking, Bullying, Coercive Relationships, Safety Videos & Books
Anger Management, Stress & Health, Coping with Post Trauma

Let's Reduce Abuse Link | Video Playlists on TansalOne | HOME

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