TANSAL - Scapegoating, Dissing, Ostracism, Rejection



Cults, Scams | Bullying, Stalking, Violence | Scapegoating, Ostracism | Human Rights | Miscarriages of Justice
Prisons, Prisoners' Families | Disabilities | Mental Health Resources | Abuse Survivors Support | Anger, Stress, Trauma

Scapegoating, Ostracism, 'Coventry', Rejection, Dissing

Dissing, Splitting, Divides on 'Doc Matrix' website
Gender ID, Gender variance, Transgender, Transition
Anger Management, Stress & Health, Coping with Trauma
Domestic Violence, Stalking, Harassment, Bullying, Coercive Relationships page

scales of justice

VIDEOS - If you are unable to watch videos on your computer, most of the information can be found in the text or links further down the page.
Allow time for them to load onto the page.

'Scapegoating, Abuse, Sadistic Behaviour' click the link or the video


'Pressures Outside & Within' click the link or the video

Direct link to watch www.youtube.com/watch?v=yj1cIg8buH4


Direct link to watch www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2OSTZtDmlg


Video 'Safety OnLine & Off - Young & Older'
Video 'Christmas - Season with a Pinch of Salt'

Video 'Let's Reduce Abuse'
Video 'Missing from Home/ Runaways'


Ostracism can cause a real pain!

Is it really worth it?

Whether it gets called ostracism, rejection, dissing or whatever, the effects of silent treatment can be hard to take.

Click for 'Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain' by Naomi Eisenberger and Matthew Lieberman http://www.neuro-psa.org.uk/download/rejection.pdf

Ostracism: The Cruel Power of Silence, an All in the Mind radio interview http://www.abc.net.au/rn/science/mind/stories/s1066040.htm

Kipling Williams has researched ostracism and its effects, and you can search on Google or any search engine for details on his work. Some books he has authored are available from Amazon:
'The Social Outcast: Ostracism, Social Exclusion, Rejection, and Bullying' by Kipling D. Williams, Joseph P. Forgas, William Von Hippel'Ostracism: The Power of Silence' by Kipling D. Williams
Also see: 'Don't Take It Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection' by Elayne Savage

Amazon often have second-hand books which are much cheaper! You can read up about books and authors without having to buy

Scapegoating and ostracism have similarities: Someone or some people can get blamed or ignored
- as if they did something wrong, or there's something different about them

Actually it can happen to anyone, and for no particular reason
It can be quite hard to change the pattern. Get some support if you can, and read up on it for yourself


The Royalist forces of King Charles I (were pitted) against the Parliamentarian armies of Oliver Cromwell. Coventry; a Parliamentarian stronghold said to have been used to house hundreds of Royalist prisoners captured by Cromwell's forces. A Royalist in Coventry would, no doubt, have been very unpopular, so "to be sent to Coventry" came to be a popular saying meaning, "to be ostracized." It has also been suggested that Coventry was used as a place of execution during the same period, in which case "to be sent to Coventry" signaled a fate somewhat worse than having no one to talk to.

In 1642 Charles I was suspected of being a Catholic in secret. Consequently he and Parliament frequently clashed. In the end the king left London and established an army, as did Parliament. These events sowed the seeds for the English Civil War. However it wasn't until almost a century after the English Civil Wars that the idiom was used to describe a person who was to be excluded from a circle of friends. The first occurrence of it used in this manner in print was recorded in 1765, and is generally taken to refer to the Civil War.

A third likelihood is a popular explanation is that the name Coventry is a derivative of a Covin-tree from feudal times and thought to be an oak which stood in front of the castle for hanging criminals. Used as a gallows, those to be executed were "sent to the covin-tree."

Still popular among the British labor unions today the phrase is used to punish strikebreakers. A powerful tool for social pressure, the person sent to Coventry is given the silent treatment until they eventually give up and resign.


GROUPS and personal relationships can have coercive or cult-like qualities, and it can be difficult to see them for what they are and to get help and understanding.  Influence can include a subtle and more seductive approach than something more obviously controlling or obtrusive. More information on the Groups, Cults, Scams page.

Social/Group Aspects Page on this Website. It includes some more Cult-related links, plus links on Con-Tricks, Scams & Deceptions. You can see more on this on the BBC Website 'The Real Hustle'

Visit http://www.rickross.com for a lead-in to information on coercive personal relationships including Cults, a Forum & Booklist.
For Groups, Cults, Indoctrination, Exiting click HERE
For Scapegoating & Abuse click HERE

Some 'Guidelines for Seeking Help' in a more general sense are HERE


Dissing, Splits & Divides see www.docmatrix.me.uk/dissingsplitsdivides.html

Domestic Violence, bullying, coercive relationships

Groups, Cults, Beliefs, Scams including books, articles, links on relevant behaviour

Ostracism can cause a real Pain! Scroll down for the meaning of sent to Coventry!

Safety Tips & Books; Safety Videos

Scapegoating, Abuse & One-Upmanship article

Social Engineering - strategies from the computer environment, and used generally, to gain information or to manipulate - often via 'social compliance'

Stalking, Harassment & Bullying including in the workplace

Survivor Links and Supporting a Survivor of Abuse

ANGER - 'Some people can't control their anger, other people can't begin to express it.' Evening Standard
'Beating Anger':
Where your anger comes from, How to recognise your type of anger, the four key triggers of anger' by Mike Fisher
'Managing Anger'
by Gael Lindenfield
'Releasing Anger'
by Liz Adamson

Factors in Violence for those who are sometimes violent

'Teach Yourself: Managing Stress' by Terry Looker & Olga Gregson
'Stress Management 10 Minute Guide' by Jeff Davidson
'Thrive on Stress' by Jan Sutton
'Living with Stress' by Cary L Cooper, Rachel D Cooper, Lynn M Baker
'Stress, Cognition & Health' by Tony Cassidy
'Parents Who Kill' by Carole Anne Davis - includes Resources to help parents understand

'Coping with Life's Traumas' by Gladeana McMahon
'Post Trauma Stress - a Personal Guide for dealing with and recovering from post-trauma stress' by Frank Parkinson

The following is summarised from 'Beating Anger' by Mike Fisher
'The Eight Golden Rules of Anger Management'
page 219

1. Back off, stop, think, take a look at the big picture;
2. It's OK to have a different opinion;
3. Listen actively;
4. Use your emotional support network;
5. Keep an anger management journal;
6. Don't take things personally;
7. Let go of expectations;
8. Anger by appointment only, which helps the 'exploder' to contain, and the 'imploder' to assert themselves:
'When we speak in the heat of the moment, we are likely to be regressed, and what comes out of our mouths...
is often designed to hurt, maim, wound.'

The reason for brief summaries and lists of books is to show CHANGES CAN BE MADE to behaviour - We do not ALL have to believe that NOTHING can be changed! Try to read something on the subject, see what you think, find what suits YOU best

Ann Rule has written many true crime books, not only about women who suffer or die at the hands of people they know or who are complete strangers, but about men who do too. Her website is www.annrules.com

'But I Trusted You and other true cases'

'Too Late to Say Goodbye' - 'To all women who are living in fear of recrimination and stalking, in a kind of captivity, at the hands of men they once loved and trusted'

'Smoke, Mirrors and Murder' - Writing about 'pathological jealousy' Ann Rule says 'A woman in this kind of relationship is caught in a cage - as sure as if she were actually hemmed in by iron bars... What they once believed was true love was really their partners' need to control them.'

'Although SH and her children are safe, there are... women and children who are not. They are somewhere along the inexorable progression from the promise of love to disappointment to isolation to emotional abuse to fear to loss of hope... It shouldn't be that way.'

whorls logo

Visit the False page at Whorls for links on:
False confessions, Eye witnesses; Miscarriages of Justice;
Allegations of abuse, Memories; Therapy Culture;

Finding Middle Ground, Mediation


SAFETY TIPS for being in contact both on and off-line

Network for Surviving Stalking www.nss.org.uk
Crimestoppers Personal Safety www.crimestoppers-uk.org/crime-prevention/helping-prevent-crime/personal-safety
Suzy Lamplugh Trust - Personal Safety Tips http://www.suzylamplugh.org/content.a...
Lucie Blackman Trust www.lucieblackmantrust.org

Bully Online www.bullyonline.org The Field Foundation

Factors in Violence books and video for those who are sometimes violent

Safety Videos


'Murder.com' - How death can be only a click away, by Christopher Berry-Dee & Steven Morris;
'Stalkers - True-life stories of harassment, jealousy & obsession' by Polly Clarkson
'Anyone You Want Me To Be - A true story of sex & death on the Internet' by John Douglas & Steven Singula
'I'll Be Watching You - True stories of stalkers & their victims' by Richard Gallagher
'Erased - Missing women, murdered wives' by Marilee Strong
'Without Conscience - The world of psychopaths among us' by Robert D Hare
'The Sociopath Next Door' by Martha Stout
'In Sheep's Clothing - Understanding and dealing with manipulative people' by George K Simon
'Preventing Violence' by James Gilligan
'Women, Men & Rape' by Ray Wyre & Anthony Swift

STALKING, COERCION etc, Books, Links

Missing from Home/ or Runaways;
Group, Family, Other Pressures

DON'T get Labelled
Dissing, Splits, Divides
Cults/Groups : Hustles, Beliefs, Scams
Doc Matrix X-files
P-Y-O Parts & Roles
Problems are Not all Your Fault!
'Let's Reduce Abuse' - Get Good Help

doc matrix riding a pennyfarthing cycle

Missing from Home/ Runaways

BBC Website at www.bbc.co.uk/headroom ‘Unwind Your Mind’ (may need Java/ Flash) or click top left on Site for Text Only. Contacts for Help & LINKS

Myth Buster section explains some Mental Health misunderstandings

‘Missing Live’ TV - People say why they missing
See Moodscape to create your own online Animation

MISSING PEOPLE Free TEXT for young Runaways: Text 80234: Freefone 24-hours 0808 800 70 70, Email www.missingpeople.org.uk

ACTION for CHILDREN help families through difficult periods - See Website for information, animated ads www.actionforchildren.org.uk

More Links plus Disability information
Doc Matrix updates on YouTube 'theCojent'

Gender ID, Gender variance, Transgender, Transition
Some ideas are likely to appeal to you more than others. If you dislike an approach, keep on searching! Information and resources can be found at:

MERMAIDS - www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/index.html
GIRES - www.gires.org.uk/ where there are free downloadable booklets in pdf format

Articles: 'I Feel Like My Body Is Wrong, But My Parents Say My Feelings Are Wrong'
and www.communitycare.co.uk/Articles/2000/05/24/12569/A-mixed-up-world.htm

Rights/resources: www.equalityhumanrights.com/your-rights/transgender

Playlist: www.youtube.com/user/survivorway#grid/user/306439400FF0124A
or visit Survivorway on YouTube www.youtube.com/user/survivorway

People may not realise a relationship is bullying or coercive when it seems to be caring or seductive
Search for information on Stalking, Bullying, Harassment, Self-assertiveness at www.google.com

TANSAL Human Rights, Disabilities, Mental Health
Miscarriages of Justice | Prisoners and their Families, Veterans
Problems with Evidence and Testimony | False Confessions

Supporting a Survivor plus Survivor Links
General Links,
Directories | Guidelines for Help & Self-Help
Mental Health Resources | Some Questions on Help

Group Aspects of Behaviour, Cults, Beliefs, Scams | Scapegoating, Abuse, Dissing
Domestic Violence, Stalking, Bullying, Coercive Relationships, Safety Videos & Books
Anger Management, Stress & Health, Coping with Post Trauma

Let's Reduce Abuse Link | Video Playlists on TansalOne | HOME

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